If you can't say something nice, say it to me and let me dwell on it forever.

There is a thin line between being too sensitive and others not being sensitive enough. I take a lot of things personally, I know. It is one of my greatest weaknesses. In my madness, I sometimes think that people say things without thinking but since I am constantly upset over something, it doesn't matter; I'll just move on eventually. I know there are other people like me. People who hear things and absorb it to the point they over think every bit of the previous conversation. They worry constantly about other's issues and get upset because there is nothing they can do. I know there are other people who live in their head so much that they can be up at 4:46 in the morning, blogging because their mind is racing to the point that sleep is impossible. There has to be others like this, like me, out there. I'm not special.

That aside, let's get to my original statement. How does one know whether they are being too sensitive or whether the counterpart is not sensitive enough. (Note: I use sensitive for a lack of better word. Caring about what the people you love think about you is what I am aiming for, so sensitive will do.) Someone can say something to you in jest or out of annoyance and it can wreck your mindset. Someone can say "You really should be doing 'insert judgment' better." That is all it takes for me to dwell on it. Am I a bad friend? Is my child suffering because I fail in certain areas? Do they really think I'm doing that out of laziness instead of necessity? It is enough to make you go insane. Now, if the person at the other end knew what all went on in my head, I doubt they would say the things they say, unless they are just mean-spirited. Here comes the issue: do you want them to keep being real or have them stop communicating because your overactive feelings are hurt? Well, I can go either way, depending on the issue. Here is a good way to tell whether you are being too sensitive: if you said that to someone, would you expect them to be upset? And vice versa: if someone said what you said, how would you swallow that? That is the line. That is the simplest way to tell.

Here is my problem, however... most of the time I know I am being a baby about the conversation but I also know that the person on the opposite end would not like someone throwing what they just said in their direction. I have had a lot of conversations this week that have torn my heart from chest. Why? Mainly because I care deeply about the people giving me their opinions. More so, I take everything they say as pure gold, leaving me no choice but to over think and ultimately, feel defeated. What is easy for some is not for others. What you prepared for, I may not have. This week has been one of the most trying weeks and, whether it be my neurosis or people's lack of sensitivity, words are cutting deeper than normal. I wish I were like my husband. He is so apathetic to other people's opinions. You can literally walk up and tell him you think he is worthless. He will reply with "Okay" and go about his day. Now, I have written previously that his apathy is overly annoying, but in situations like this, I need to be apathetic. I need to think "Oh well. They're not living my life, so who cares?" Do not get this twisted, though, if you do not have my heart, your words and opinions mean nothing. Absolutely zero. They have the same effect as they would if you were screaming at a TV. You look like a fool and the TV keeps playing.

I know I need sleep. I know I need to get out of my head and focus on what matters. I also know that if the conversation would have been about the positives instead of negatives, I would have went to bed beaming instead of being morose. I write it here so I don't project. I write it here so I don't have to say "Please don't say that. It hurts my feelings." I write so someone will read this and think about which side of the battlefield they fall on and whether they should change. I write because I don't want my closest of close to dwell like I am. This is about no one and everyone that I keep in my heart-shaped box. I am working diligently on not being so sensitive. In the mean time, I am left the words I shouldn't have said and the words I wish they would have said. And my mind keeps a truckin'...