It may be a little, white lie but it has a huge, black shadow...

I have come to a crossroads in my life and I have a veered a direction to keep my life's normality rather than out of necessity. That doesn't make much sense, I know, but that is the only way to explain it.

I am married.  I have always hated the idea of marriage, the last form of slavery, until I completely connected with my life partner. We connected on so many levels. All things of that nature aside, I also became pregnant within the first three months, which is odd since I was supposed to be somewhat barren. We have tried hard but I know, and he agrees, I have tried the hardest. I am not the easiest person to live with but I am a good person. I can say the things that can cut people deeper than imaginable, but at the same time, my silver tongue can put you on cloud 9. I have a horrid temper, I indulge in wine (though not excessively) and it is my way or the wrong way. But that's it. Besides that, I am a loving mother, amazing cook, decent housekeeper, intelligent... hell, my positives are endless. *wink* All of my faults aside, however, my husband is brilliant on paper. He works hard, does the dishes, is an absolutely amazing father, but... he lies. Not about anything pertinent but about the most small, menial things. He would never cheat, doesn't raise a hand in anger, has no addictions, and has only raised his voice minimal times but he will bend the truth about the most asinine things possible. That lone fact has made me contemplate parting ways.

I know, silly. But how am I to know that it will not escalate.  When will a small fib turn into a huge lie. He has not shown that pattern but it worries me. I am an all or nothing type of person; it's black or white. I do not, and will not, tolerate someone lying. That is a huge slap in the face. It completely breaks ones trust and without trust, you have no relationship.  As I said, on paper, he is wonderful. A man any woman/man would love to have as her/his life partner but the fact that he will fib about the most minuscule things is almost unforgivable. Everyone lies but most lie out of necessity. If you can tell the truth  with little repercussions, you tell the truth. This is what has me at a stand still. Am I being too harsh to the man who has always struggled with this issue. He tries hard but it still happens, even if it is few and far in between. I am unforgiving and I don't know where to go from here.

I value life in a way that is almost morbid; I am prepared to die tomorrow. Do I want to spend my life with a man who I only somewhat trust because he lies about the most ignorant things? Do I leave him and break up our home? Do I try to fix this problem?  Is it my problem to fix? Does it even constitute as a problem? Life is tricky. I could not imagine my life without this amazing father and human being but the occasional white lie has me seeing red. I told him that I would be with him until death took one of us but if I catch him again  and he messes up my OCD, trusting balance, I may have to go nine kinds of crazy. It's the little things in life that matter and I fear he takes them for granted; Or maybe I do.  Who knows? What is important to one is menial to another and that is where the problem lies. I have decided to try again. I will not break up this family because of one issue, as important as it might be to me, but I cannot promise that it will not be an issue in the future.

A full bottle of cheap wine later, it's hard to forget that he broke my trust for something so unimportant...

 *Disclaimer: My husband is aware of this page. He knows I write about him. He knows I'm just working it out in the most healthy way I think possible. He is understanding. We are fine.