Hello, my awkward subordinates. I am Jade, your Queen.

I can be very socially awkward. Some of the things that come from mouth make me want to crawl into a hole and throw up a white flag. Example: I have a friend who I continually call the wrong name. She is a very good friend of mine, but from time to time I refer to her as another friend's name. We laughed it off at first but now it is so awkward that when the wrong name comes from my lips, I just want to leave the social event. I'm sure she feels that I am doing this on purpose; quite the contrary. This friend is an amazing person but they have a way of making me feel like I am complete imbecile for a simple slip of the tongue. I get defensive but quickly realize it is my on social awkwardness that makes me feel that way. I'm so awkward that I still think about things I have said years ago that was forgotten by everyone else a long time ago. I dream of time machines and righting wrongs to the point I can't sleep sometimes. I know, I am completely neurotic, but I digress. It also doesn't help that I over apologize. I apologize for everything, hoping that if I have slighted someone by chance, they will realize that I have seen the error of my ways and regret the mistake wholeheartedly. People call me abrasive because I tend to speak without thinking. I try to socialize with everyone and make them laugh. If this occurs, it almost eases the awkwardness. Almost as if I were saying, "I may have made an ass out of myself, but you laughed at my story three minutes ago, so we're even." Combine all of this, add the fact that I am a very chunky girl and throw in a dash of self-doubt, and you get a walking ball of psychosis that would make Freud run screaming to his mother. I've tried to fix some of these issues. I've tried just not going out, telling people the truth about my social issues, and just ignoring the problems altogether. Nothing works. I'm still a social mess. Luckily, I have a few very close friends who know my issues and try to help me cover my tracks. Still, it has to get very annoying sometimes. Almost as if one would look up awkward in the dictionary and see my shining face, probably apologizing profusely for using the wrong name again. If there were an island full of people who were not meant to be in social situations, I would be sent there immediately and live out my life ruling as their queen.